How To Perform A Funeral

For most of us, as we go through the every day, nitty gritty of our lives, dying seems like just an abstraction. So, when death occurs around us, we’re likely to be caught unprepared. If you are a clergy-person, you can't allow that to happen.



How would you feel if some friend or loved one dies and you're requested to perform the service? Would you give up the honor, just because you are fearful about having never officiated at a funeral before and do not know what to say? As a clergy-person, it will be expected of you that you know how to do this.



Quite a few years back, I noticed this so I started to create some funeral and memorial services. I began calling funeral homes, where I was made aware, among other things, that the mortuaries have a definite need for ministers to officiate non-denominational ceremonies. I made a decision to conduct funeral services and include that with my wedding ceremony ministry, so I started creating a funeral service for the occasion.



The most difficult things for me had been combating the possible anxiety of my feelings about being around a corpse along with thinking about what it was I was going to say at the service. Prior to my initial funeral service, I had not ever even been in attendance at a service, let alone seen a corpse. First, let me say that a dead body looks a good deal like a wax dummy. Not even a little scary. This quickly becomes apparent that the spirit has left leaving behind nothing but an empty vessel.

With regards to the ceremony itself, I soon discovered that there is not much written for funeral ceremonies and virtually nothing at all available for ministers who need to conduct them. What clergy need are some sort of script to follow, like are available for weddings. I did , after much searching, find one ceremony written by someone for a mainstream religion and one written by a minister from a different non-denominational religion. Neither one was quite the truth I wanted to share, but the words pointed me in the right direction. I then wrote some books which include several pages of choices to use for the various separate parts in the service. Those books are 'Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage’ and its sequel, 'More Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage.’ These can be bought via the Universal Life Church Seminary store.



I open my services with a welcome message and a thank you on behalf of the family for their attendance. Then, I begin to share about how come we are gathering - for the celebration of the life of a person they have loved. I invite people to give a spiritual hello to the deceased, while I lead the guests in prayer. I talk a bit about living and dying and what we’ve learned from the deceased in his or time time with us. Then, I transition into the eulogy. (I created a general opening few lines to start the eulogy, then I begin filling it in with the information and stories I am told by the grieving before the ceremony.)



I also usually include some biographical content during the beginning of the eulogy, which reminds everyone that the deceased had been both a member of a family or group and was still, an individual. I usually then talk regarding the importance of telling stories and remembrances about the deceased|stand up and share stories and encourage everyone there to stand up and share. It is not unusual to have nobody talk during the service, but sometimes people will stand up as long as it's left open to them.



From here, there's more flexibility. I enjoy singing or leading people in 'Amazing Grace' at memorial services. Not everyone is comfortable initiating this, but there still is usually room to have a musical introduction. Just be sure that the funeral director knows whether a tape or CD needs to be played. They usually already do. After the music, there can be a candle-lighting, reading from the bible or reciting of some poetry The closing is usually a prayer along with a benediction..



If the body is likely to become interred (buried), then I go to the graveside (unless I am already there), and say some words of bible passages, the Lord's Prayer, along with the section regarding the interment - (offering the body from whence it came, and so forth.) I do not necessarily perform the ceremony in that order; I try to just allow the ceremony to flow as it should. It's wise to show up prepared for anything.



I have learned over time that funeral services are an outstanding place to teach, discover things about myself and others better, and to heal. One important issue to bear in mind when you are conducting the ceremony is that it is essential for you, as the clergy-person, reign in your personal emotions. There will likely be a great deal of folks around you sitting in sadness along with grief. It's not your job to match them. It is your job to distance yourself somewhat and show your compassion, while still being strong, to give space for the grieving to lean on you and During times of grief, you, the minister, become the bringer of hope and peace to the grieving, so it is crucial that you give them the complete freedom to open up and share their emotions.



Many ULC reverends are asked to perform the funeral service at the funeral chapel only. Some are requested for a graveside service only.



KEEP IN MIND that there is no one special way for officiating a funeral. Not all memorials are religious in nature and the reverend should arrive prepared to supply a civil ceremony with no references to The Universe or any particular belief system. The family can tell you what their beliefs are along with those of the deceased so those beliefs have to be honored.



It's essential during this time, to set everyone's minds at ease. The bereaved may possibly be experiencing grieving, uncertainty regarding the fate of their loved one following death, frustration, worry, etc. It is really your job to understand those emotions and do everything within your power to ease their minds.



If you don’t have a basic script of things to say at a funeral, the Universal Life Church Seminary has made 2 books available which have every thing you might need and/or you can also have those words emailed to you if the ceremony is scheduled to happen with little notice|scheduled in a very short. It is good to show up prepared though and every clergy-person really should possess a copy of 'Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage’, as well as its sequel, 'More Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage’.

Rev Amy Long has written two outstanding resources on how to conduct funerals. Follow the link for more information. The Universal Life Church Seminary offers a lot of free training and free mini-courses, in addition to free online ordination, so you can officiate weddings, start a church, or follow your dreams.